You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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