I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
