Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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