I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
