Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
