Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize