If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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