The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize