remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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