Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
