One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
