This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Are we in a gay sports bar?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
