Pregnant stripper...not hot.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
