I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i need some magic done to my vagina
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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