I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
