It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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