what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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