So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
