:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
