He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
