My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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