I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
