im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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