please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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