He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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