booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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