i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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