So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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