You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
