my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize