My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
And the cops told us we were all naked.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
