help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
