I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
