i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
