He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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