I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I look better un-naked...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
