Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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