p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
