Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
