i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
