So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
