I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
