She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can't put those talents on a resume
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
