you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
