funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize