I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
