I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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