I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
