pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
