I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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