I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
