He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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