last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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