the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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