I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
420 ftw
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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