Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
