god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
