we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
