God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
