I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
