Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
