Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
