At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
