what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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