: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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