Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
