i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
