Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize