Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
