Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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