She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
