The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
